my brain no work today

this morning i was getting ready for work and thinking about all the things i suck at and then i was going to list them here.

well, as soon as i got to work - i promptly forgot every last one of them. so, at 3:30 i decided i would make a list of things i am awesome at. here goes.

1 - running into doorframes
2 - dropping ice on the floor EVERY time i get some out of the freezer
3 - having to pee 20 mins. into my treadmill trip
4 - forgetting people's names
5 - spilling water
6 - burning the crap out of fried chicken
7 - having a mental block about driving a stick shift
8 - being lazy
9 - thinking of great things to write about and then forgetting them
10 - talking myself out of going to the gym
11 - somehow damaging every new thing i get
12 - taking random notes that i think i will understand later - but never do
13 - spending money on things i don't need
14 - confusing people
15 - procrastinating

i am sure there are more but that is all i got for now.

it's just a game i like to play

when i go to the grocery store and i have a short list, i try to make my purchases as weird a combination as possible. i always wonder just how close the cashiers pay attention to people's purchases.

today i had three (3) things on my list

1 - ketchup
2 - sloppy joe sauce
3 - toothbrush

this is by far not my most random/varied list ever but the toothbrush thrown in with the two tomato/sauce-like products is a little odd.

my list for thursday is

1 - tanning oil
2 - propel water (peach and berry flavors)
3 - toothpicks
4 - body soap
5 - beer

but that looks very much like a trip list.

woohoo! 2 days til football and 3 days til the beach!

whew!

i am exhausted.

this morning i get up, late, and get ready for work. i notice that my forehead is peeling.

awesome.

i walk out to my car, get in and try to start it, it won't start.

crap.

i call a co-worker and she comes to get me. i point out my forehead and several other weirdo peelie places on my body and then she inquires about the band-aid on my thumb. i, somehow, cut myself trying to open a bottle of wine last night. this is the second time this has happened - wine is, apparently, dangerous - at least for me. after i tell her what happened she says 'gosh you are having quite the day.'

we get to work (late) and i have a meeting at 10am and i haven't even set up for it yet. i check my voicemail and my boss won't be in this morning. at 9am another co-worker calls and HAS to have stuff from the computer store. i have to go because my boss is not there. but the co-worker has to drive me because i have no car. as we are shopping for computer things my co-worker asks me what is on my shirt and points to the backside of my right shoulder. and as i am trying to scratch it off (my usual method of stain removal) i say 'i don't know, good lord, there is no telling.'

great.

we get back in plenty of time and i sit thru my meeting. once the meeting is over the receptionist needs me to sit at the front desk for approx. 10 mins. because anita won't be back in time. as i am sitting up there one of the guys out back calls and the following occurs:

dude: call 911, my dad cut himself on a machine
me: *panic starts to creep in* who is this? (even though i knew who it was)
dude: it's derrick
me: ok
me: *turns to our hr person* derrick just called his dad cut himself and he wants me to call 911
hr person: ok
me: *panic builds as i try, try, to call 911. i somehow, forgot how to work our phone system and end up calling 991 a million times and then finally they call me.
911: hi, this is 911 did someone call about an emergence
me: YES, IT WAS ME, SOMEONE CUT HIMSELF ON A MACHINE HERE
911: ok, is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
me: I DON'T KNOW
911: can i speak to the individual?
me: NO
911: ok well, you need to get a clean cloth and apply pressure and blah, blah, blah. . .
me: OK *i put 911 on hold and call back to the injured party area*
dennis: hello?
me: DENNIS? YOU NEED TO GET A CLEAN CLOTH AND APPLY PRESSURE AND DON'T REMOVE IT.
dennis: what?
me: *i repeat myself*
dennis: ok, but derrick already left with him.
me: WHAT? THE AMBULANCE IS ON THE WAY!
dennis: well, derrick already took him.
me: BUT THE AMBULANCE IS ON THE WAY!

i start yelling to our hr person about them leaving and she takes off out back. i switch back over to 911 and ok.

911: can i speak with the individual?
me: NO, HE IS IN ANOTHER BUILDING
911: ok, what kind of machine was it?
me: *thinks to myself - who the hell cares?* I DON'T KNOW, HANG ON

i but 911 on hold and call back to the injured party area.

dennis: hello?
me: DENNIS WHAT KIND OF MACHINE WAS IT?
dennis: well, it's, uh, it's the kind they, uh, use for routing.

i hang up on dennis switch back over to 911

me: I DON'T KNOW, SOME SORT OF ROUTER THING.
911: a what?
me: I DON'T KNOW, IT'S IN ANOTHER BUILDING - I CAN'T SEE IT.
911: ok, well the ambulance is on his way and if you need to blah, blah, blah. . .
me: OK, BYE
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
anita: anna, i am on my way - i am stuck in traffic
me: OK! I HAVE TO GO *i hang up on her*
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
receptionist: has anita not made it back yet?
me: NO, I HAVE TO GO WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY *i hang up on her*
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
csg: hey, is *the hr person around*
me: NO, SHE LEFT
company safety guy: well, she just called me
me: I KNOW! I HAVE TO GO *i hang up on him*
*phone rings*
guy from our north location: is so & so there?
me: NO, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
gfonl: well, we have a printer that blah, blah, blah
me: I WILL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK - WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY
*i hang up on him*

that is not the exact conversation i had with 911 but that is all i can recall. they kept asking me if he has any bleeding disorders and i wanted to say, how am i supposed to know? i have only spoken to the man once! and keep in mind that this was the companies main switchboard and i keep answer the phone with a panicked HELLO? instead of the 'good afternoon, how may i direct your call' greeting.

but the moral of the day is that i am no good in emergence situations. my mom is the woman. the crazier things get the more calm she gets - i am not like my mother in that respect, although i wish i were.

hey everybody! guess what time it is.

it's football shaped post-it time! i just found them in the back of my drawer, and what perfect timing!!!

7 days!! i so forgot it was thursday

dear fashion/retail industry,
enough with the stretch clothes. they are awful and get weird and are cheater clothes. i hate them. i cannot find any, ANY jeans that are not stretch. i am even willing to spend some extra $ on them if you would just offer them!

respectfully yours,

non-stretch fan

how come there are only 3 flavors of un-frosted pop-tarts?

hilarity for your weekend

cocktail day/pool eve

the jeans i am wearing today are a mistake and they are a mistake for three (3) reasons and i shall share those three (3) reasons.

1 - they are stretch. i hate stretch jeans, the color is always weird and i am not, so much, a fan of the 'crosshatch' bit. also, stretch jeans grow and by the end of the day, after pulling them up all day, the butt is saggy and they feel like sweat pants. i am probably lone in this assessment but i believe jeans should be slightly binding.

2 - they are 'ultra' low rise. i buy low rise jeans because they fit my body better. they are more comfortable and look better. however, 'ultra' is no good. 'ultra' means way, way too low and makes me feel like i need to pull up my jeans and when they are stretch on top of that (see above) - they are just no good. also, i am not trying to share my underwear with the world. i mean, i don't mind if people know i am wearing underwear - i actually prefer that they do - but they don't need to be seeing them.

3 - they are way too long. i am approximately 5'3" and, well, curvy. so pants fit me weird. the 'short' flavor are usually a tad too short and the 'regular' flavor are always too long. the pants i have on today are too long. thus, i have to wear tall shoes and tall shoes are usually not comfortable. but on top of that, the back of my jeans wrap around my heels. this is all wrong. the back of my jeans need to fall towards the floor not encase my heel.

so, why do i even bother wearing these jeans? they are the best i've got. the selection of jeans, in my price range, is, well, unsatisfactory.

14 days

woohoo!!!

you know what tans are good for?

hiding bruises.

why are spin classes always conducted in the dark?

payday

i am supposed to be paid today and for some reason wachovia is not showing my direct deposit.

account balance as of 8:54am 8/15/06: $4.29

that is not even the all time record low.


quote of the day:

'my wardrobe will not be dictated by a dumpster'

movies i will always watch when they are on tv

1 - robin hood, men in tights
2 - bill and ted's excellent adventure
3 - the princess bride
4 - you've got mail
5 - joe vs. the volcano
6 - tremors
7 - bridget jones's diary
8 - labyrinth
9 - clueless
10 - clue
11 - goonies
12 - sneakers
13 - the hunt for red october

i so called it

earlier this week i bought some salmon filets that were seasoned with ginger pepper. sounds good huh? well, the opportunity to cook them did not arrive until last night, the only problem - the 'sell by' date.

the sell by date on the package said 8/8/06.

me: hhhmmm, they look ok (at this point i call up my sister).

me: hey
katie: hey
me: i bought this salmon and the sell by date says 8/8 - what do you think about that?
katie: does it smell?
me: no, i don't think so.
katie: if it smells at all don't eat it. i wouldn't eat it.
me: i just hate wasting food and it looks really good.
katie: i know, me too.
me: ok. bye.
katie: bye

i don't really like that answer - so i call my mother

me: hey mom
mom: hey anna
me: what are you doing?
mom: about to eat dinner
me: what are you having?
mom: leftovers (mom i super informative)
me: leftover what
mom: what do you need? i am hungry.
me: well, i bought this salmon but the sell by date says 8/8, what do you think about that?
mom: WELL IT'S ONLY THE 10th ANNA.
me: i know, but i don't know if that is ok or not.
mom: it's fine
me: ok
mom: is that all? i am ready to eat.
me: ok mom, bye.
mom: bye.

so i cooked the salmon in the same way i cook catfish and when i pull it out to check on it, i am unsure as to the doneness and began to question my original cooking temperature/length assessment. so i call a co-worker, whom i know has cooked salmon before.

me: hey
co-worker: hey
me: what are you doing?
co-worker: i just got off the treadmill - glad that's done.
me: i know! woohoo! no more exercise this week.
co-worker: i know! i am ready for cocktail day.
me: me too, anyway - can i ask you a cooking question?
co-worker: sure
me: how do you cook salmon
co-worker: i bake it (mom?)
me: i mean at what temperature and how long.
co-worker: at about 400/425 for 20 or so minutes.
me: oh (that is so not what i did), ok - thanks!
co-worker: bye.
me: bye.

so i put it back in the oven for a few more minutes, fixed a salad and ate my dinner. it was delicious.

21 days

you know it is really awsome when you go about your day, busily working, hoping from desk to desk helping users with various problems and even accept compliments on your appearance and then, around 3 1/2 hours later do you realize that you have your breakfast on your shirt. and since it was sunnyside up egg, it actually looks like snot.

damn, that rocks.

the difference between boys and girls

i have been hearing about how i need new tires and mine are 'worn slap out' for like 3ish weeks. so finally, two weekends ago i went and got tires. tires buying is, in fact, no fun. they are mucho expensioso and are not something i can wear. although, my mom says think of it as new shoes for your car.

anyway, josh goes with me and the tire guy comes out 'how may i help you today?' i reply 'i need new tires' and then he goes off the deep end spouting out numbers and letters and writing things on his little clip board and pointing at my tires.

i stand idly by.

josh nods and answers a few of tire guy's questions.

i stand idly by.

we all walk inside where it is explained to me and that i can get this one or this one or this one. at this point josh turns to me and says 'which ones do you like?'

i stand idly by.

then a slew of questions run thru my mind - huh? wha? which ones do i like? we are talking about tires, right? aren't they all the same? aren't they just tires? they all look the same to me.

so i say 'i don't care' - and he says get these, these are cool and blah, blah, blah and starts talking in that guy language that flies right past me without so much as a drop of understanding. i say 'ok'.

after they have been put on we inspect them and they do look pretty good - they take up more space in the fender well area thing and i do like that. also, i sit up a tid bit higher.

as we drove away from the tire place josh says 'are you going to show jill your new tires?' and i answer 'if i remember' while i think to myself 'no, but i am going to tell her about this conversation.' then he goes on to explain that when guys get new tires they show all their buddies.

mentally, i shake my head at that.

girls don't care about tires. they are, apparently, very important to boys.

alright already

well, this isn't so much the story of dude and me as more of an explaination as to why i called him that in the beginning.

i haven't really dated that much - i haven't the patience for what my sister and i call 'bullshit dating' and i guess i wasn't all that worried about it - but i won't go into all my 'issues' right now.

anyway, in highschool and college, there were a few guys around but nothing serious. there were a few dates. after i graduated there were fewer guys because where do you meet them and how do you hide the fact that you live with your mother? so, life went on and friends got married and i said to myself 'you are almost 30 years old, it is about time you do this dating thing'.

then this past thanksgiving dude came along he had asked me out and i agreed to go and i only told one soul (a very trusted co-worker). i was excited but i was also very, very nervous.

so the day of the date arrives and i still haven't told my mother (with whom i live) and i was hoping she wouldn't come home until after i left.

of course that didn't happen.

mom comes home while i am waiting and she starts with the chit chat 'how was your day? what did you do? what are you doing now? why are you dressed up?' and so to pretend like it wasn't a big deal i say 'i have a date with a dude'. yep, that is what any mother wants to hear. 'a dude' she says while she opens her eyes wide and questions my use of the word dude. 'yeah, a guy from work. it's no big deal but i don't want to talk about it right now.' all the while i have turned into some sweat factory because i cannot control my nerves. dude finally arrives and our first date commences.

a few days later we go out again and the following night he comes over to watch a movie. i email my mother to let her know 'dude is coming over to watch a movie' and she writes back 'am i supposed to call him dude?'. no mom, his name is josh.

we have now been together for 8 months and i no longer refer to him as dude.


last night we had dinner with my dad's side of the family and josh met them for the first time. my sister, my grandparents and josh and i arrived all at the same time. my mom and two cousins soon followed and when my uncle and aunt got there, they sat at the far end of the table and my grandmother turns to my uncle and says 'this is josh, anna's friend' my mom repeats this information for some reason and at this point i turned to josh and say 'you are my friend'.

28 days

this is super cool

you can't pick your co-workers, unfortunately

anna says: i am going to have to stop taking mike's phone calls
josh says: why?
josh says: you got sarah?
anna says: no - for starters he calls me at exactly 8am (don't do that) and then he acts like we are the best friends ever and he is super excited to talk to me
anna says: 'HI!, HOW ARE YOU?!'
anna says: i just can't take it
anna says: i hate it almost, ALMOST, as much as talking to matilda
josh says: you are a fragile flower
anna says: 'hi anna, how are you? anna, blah, blah, blah. anna, blah, blah, blah. anna, blah, blah, blah.
anna says: thanks, anna
anna says: anna, have a good day anna
anna says: i really am
josh says: i have always said so
josh says: anna = flower (delicate)

names have been changed to protect the guilty

i just googled my grandmother

every year i get into a debate with myself about when my grandmother's birthday is. it is either august 2nd or 3rd. i am pretty sure it is the 3rd, but what if it isn't and i don't recognize that today is her birthday.

best
granddaughter
ever

'wood you like some yelly or someting else'

in the mornings, sometimes, i go by mcdonald's. the only staff working in the mornings are mexican women. it's kind of strange and annoying because this particular group of women are not the most efficient and that, well that just goes against nature. but i digress.

i used to have honey nut cheerios for breakfast every morning. but then, see i have this co-worker and she is all about eating all the proper things and such and whenever you are eating your breakfast or lunch around her she is all 'no protein?! you need protein, i HAVE to have protein'. and all i think is - 'ugh, don't look/comment on my food!' anyway, i was telling my sister about it and she said, in a defeated tone, 'yea, i think you are supposed to have protein at every meal.'

great! now what? what am i going to eat??? the easy answer is peanut butter and/or eggs. but peanut butter has too much fat and i have realized over the years that scramblie eggs make me all queasy like. so i came up with the best breakfast ever! one sunnyside up egg on a piece of toast. ok, so i didn't come up with that, but it is damn good. i have this great non-stick pan that allows me not to have to use butter (even though i do use a teeny tiny bit, just for taste) and the egg does not stick at all, so it's not a pain to clean up. it is so good - i make it and then leave for work and i always want another. mmm, i may just have to have that for dinner tonight.

thinking. . . why is it perfectly acceptable to me to drop a pill on the floor and pick it up and still swallow it but not eat food off the floor. it's the same thing. the other day i went to take an advil cold & sinus pill and i dropped it on the floor, picked it up and drank it down. i starting to think about what i had just done and realized i would do the same with a pretzel or chip but not say, pudding or jello. why does consistency matter? is it harder for germs and nastiness to stick to harder objects? shouldn't i ban all things that have been on the floor from entering my body?