whew!

i am exhausted.

this morning i get up, late, and get ready for work. i notice that my forehead is peeling.

awesome.

i walk out to my car, get in and try to start it, it won't start.

crap.

i call a co-worker and she comes to get me. i point out my forehead and several other weirdo peelie places on my body and then she inquires about the band-aid on my thumb. i, somehow, cut myself trying to open a bottle of wine last night. this is the second time this has happened - wine is, apparently, dangerous - at least for me. after i tell her what happened she says 'gosh you are having quite the day.'

we get to work (late) and i have a meeting at 10am and i haven't even set up for it yet. i check my voicemail and my boss won't be in this morning. at 9am another co-worker calls and HAS to have stuff from the computer store. i have to go because my boss is not there. but the co-worker has to drive me because i have no car. as we are shopping for computer things my co-worker asks me what is on my shirt and points to the backside of my right shoulder. and as i am trying to scratch it off (my usual method of stain removal) i say 'i don't know, good lord, there is no telling.'

great.

we get back in plenty of time and i sit thru my meeting. once the meeting is over the receptionist needs me to sit at the front desk for approx. 10 mins. because anita won't be back in time. as i am sitting up there one of the guys out back calls and the following occurs:

dude: call 911, my dad cut himself on a machine
me: *panic starts to creep in* who is this? (even though i knew who it was)
dude: it's derrick
me: ok
me: *turns to our hr person* derrick just called his dad cut himself and he wants me to call 911
hr person: ok
me: *panic builds as i try, try, to call 911. i somehow, forgot how to work our phone system and end up calling 991 a million times and then finally they call me.
911: hi, this is 911 did someone call about an emergence
me: YES, IT WAS ME, SOMEONE CUT HIMSELF ON A MACHINE HERE
911: ok, is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
me: I DON'T KNOW
911: can i speak to the individual?
me: NO
911: ok well, you need to get a clean cloth and apply pressure and blah, blah, blah. . .
me: OK *i put 911 on hold and call back to the injured party area*
dennis: hello?
me: DENNIS? YOU NEED TO GET A CLEAN CLOTH AND APPLY PRESSURE AND DON'T REMOVE IT.
dennis: what?
me: *i repeat myself*
dennis: ok, but derrick already left with him.
me: WHAT? THE AMBULANCE IS ON THE WAY!
dennis: well, derrick already took him.
me: BUT THE AMBULANCE IS ON THE WAY!

i start yelling to our hr person about them leaving and she takes off out back. i switch back over to 911 and ok.

911: can i speak with the individual?
me: NO, HE IS IN ANOTHER BUILDING
911: ok, what kind of machine was it?
me: *thinks to myself - who the hell cares?* I DON'T KNOW, HANG ON

i but 911 on hold and call back to the injured party area.

dennis: hello?
me: DENNIS WHAT KIND OF MACHINE WAS IT?
dennis: well, it's, uh, it's the kind they, uh, use for routing.

i hang up on dennis switch back over to 911

me: I DON'T KNOW, SOME SORT OF ROUTER THING.
911: a what?
me: I DON'T KNOW, IT'S IN ANOTHER BUILDING - I CAN'T SEE IT.
911: ok, well the ambulance is on his way and if you need to blah, blah, blah. . .
me: OK, BYE
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
anita: anna, i am on my way - i am stuck in traffic
me: OK! I HAVE TO GO *i hang up on her*
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
receptionist: has anita not made it back yet?
me: NO, I HAVE TO GO WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY *i hang up on her*
*phone rings*
me: HELLO?
csg: hey, is *the hr person around*
me: NO, SHE LEFT
company safety guy: well, she just called me
me: I KNOW! I HAVE TO GO *i hang up on him*
*phone rings*
guy from our north location: is so & so there?
me: NO, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
gfonl: well, we have a printer that blah, blah, blah
me: I WILL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK - WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY
*i hang up on him*

that is not the exact conversation i had with 911 but that is all i can recall. they kept asking me if he has any bleeding disorders and i wanted to say, how am i supposed to know? i have only spoken to the man once! and keep in mind that this was the companies main switchboard and i keep answer the phone with a panicked HELLO? instead of the 'good afternoon, how may i direct your call' greeting.

but the moral of the day is that i am no good in emergence situations. my mom is the woman. the crazier things get the more calm she gets - i am not like my mother in that respect, although i wish i were.