Monday, July 11, 2005

what defines you?

friday night we went to see the fantastic 4 which, for some reason, i kept calling the fabulous 4. i've no idea why except that i may, in fact, have my mother's disease. here are the remnants of dinner.

katie's nachos

amanda's quesadilla and chips w/queso and her hand dipping

my bitch of a plastic cup that kept spilling water on me and part of katie's arm (not to say it spilled water on katie's arm but that, in fact, you can see part of katie's arm)

amanda's ice cream - peanut butter parfait bbbeptpt bbbeptpt bbbeptpt

kaite's ice cream - something something with chocolate chips and m&m's and part of her eehhhmmm (that is a clearing throat sound) - shirt

the fabul - i mean fantastic 4 was good, enjoyed by all but had a few cheesy things and still - everything has been ruined by batman.

saturday i did yard work and gym work and then went to wild bill's with brandi. we had a good time and i made $20 bucks dancing. this was not, in any way, the stripper variety but rather the 'i want to dance with your friend and she won't dance w/out you so here's $20 to come dance with us' variety. the dancing lasted all of 35 seconds - no lie, then the song was over and they played a slow one. i don't feel bad about it either - is that wrong? we shut the place down and went to waffle house with brandi's friend and his friend. we were discussing tatoos and i stated that i wanted one but couldn't commit (that's about right) to a particular thing to permanently put on my body when the friend of a friend of a friend asked me 'what defines you?'

what? what defines me? nothing. i have tried very hard in my life to not let any one thing define me. i don't want to be that open and closed. i want to keep progressing. i guess i have always thought if i let something define me it would ultimately keep me from growing and learning as a person. but if something did define me - what would it be? should i let myself be defined? i don't feel like i could pinpoint one thing. it has always enraged me when other people think they know me and have me all figured out. 'how can you do that if i haven't' - if i decide something defines me, does that force me to admit that i am figured out?

of course i left my debit card and driver's license there (my tab at the bar) and had to go back up there to get them sunday. maybe cosmic payback for the $20. i only got 2 1/2 hours sleep.

sunday i didn't do a whole lot, i always keep depressed when i lie around so i did houseworky things.


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